Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
