He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
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For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
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So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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