I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
