I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
