Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
