Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Can Purell be used as lube?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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