yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
