Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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