so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
