it's too hot outside to masturbate.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
