Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
