she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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