I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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