this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
