Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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