It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
