I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
