In the future we'll all be gay
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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