I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
