no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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