My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
