Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
