dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
