If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
