We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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