Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
