Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
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