Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
