im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know