if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks