tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize