yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.