Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.