We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas