the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
