i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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