If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
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