btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
