I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
