No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
