It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
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I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
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All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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