so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
