you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
