great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
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As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
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I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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