At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
