somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
