im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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