good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize