She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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