I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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