i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
