The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
