I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize