Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
