My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
