do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
