you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
