Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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