mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
