Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
