I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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