All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Well I just put wine in my tea
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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