i need an iv and a liver transplant
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
