she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
