Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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