Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
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The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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