My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
