Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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