Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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