dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
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We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
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